When I lived overseas, one of the most celebrated aspects of my international schools was cultural diversity. At the International School of Kuala Lumpur, Taipei American School, and Canadian Academy in Japan, I had classmates from all over the world. With such a diverse student body, there was a natural openness and acceptance of one another, fueled by a genuine curiosity to learn about different cultures.
That changed when I moved to Virginia for high school and college. The cultural diversity I’d experienced during my first thirteen years of life seemed to vanish. Most of my classmates had grown up in Northern Virginia and had known each other since elementary school. Coming to America was a culture shock.
My positive experience growing up overseas, along with 13 years of working in international equities, are part of the reason I’ve enrolled my children in a Mandarin immersion school. We value the ability to speak a second language and learn about cultures beyond our own.
To give you a sense of how cultural differences can affect a minority’s ability to advance in the workplace, I’d like to share a personal experience. My hope is to shed light on a blind spot that some employers or employees may unknowingly have.
Out of respect for those involved, I’ve waited until now to publish this story, as the company no longer exists. This post isn’t about assigning blame—it’s about sharing a lived experience that underscores how not being part of the majority culture can create additional challenges in career progression.
Different Cultures Can Make for an Uncomfortable Work Environment
I once consulted part-time for a startup in San Francisco. During the final round of interviews, I met with three employees in person and gave each of them a signed copy of my WSJ bestseller, Buy This, Not That, with a personal note thanking them for their time and the opportunity.
I ultimately got the job and was thrilled to go into the office once a week after dropping my son off at school. The team was friendly, and I was excited to be part of a collaborative environment again. The part-time role required about 20–25 hours a week, which was a nice balance now that both of my children were in school full-time.
About a month in, I decided to move to the office couch to write an article. It was the first time I’d sat there, but it reminded me of the couch I often use at home to write. Writing at a desk surrounded by people chatting isn’t my style. As a writer, I need silence.
The “Unintentional” Disrespect
As I got situated on the couch, I looked up and saw a makeshift cubicle where a senior employee—the founding designer, whom I had interviewed with—was working. To my surprise, I noticed my book being used as a monitor stand, stacked beneath his screen along with one other book!
WTF?!
Some might not think it’s a big deal, but I felt insulted. I had spent two years writing Buy This, Not That, inscribed a personal note, and gave it to him as a gift. At the very least, I hoped he’d take it home or put it on a shelf, not repurpose it as office equipment.
In my culture, books are treated with reverence. They aren’t stepped on, flipped through with dirty hands, or used as doorstops. If you don’t want to read a book, that’s fine. Just don’t disrespect the author by using it as a prop, especially when they’re in the same room. If this senior employee came from an Asian culture, I doubt he would have done that.
After seeing how casually he treated my book, I no longer wanted to go into the office and be reminded of the disrespect. I don’t believe he intended to insult me, but the message was clear enough. From that week on, I chose to work from home.
Working from Home as a New Employee Can Be a Career-Limiting Move
If you feel uncomfortable in the office, chances are you won’t do your best work. You’ll likely avoid the people you don’t naturally connect with, which weakens your internal support network—especially when it comes time for raises or promotions.
Fortunately for me, I had the flexibility to work from home and wasn’t seeking a raise or promotion as a part-time consultant. But by not being physically present, I missed out on building relationships through small talk, coffee breaks, or casual walks to lunch. These seemingly minor moments play a big role in office culture—and in how people come to like, trust, and support you.
If you’re a relatively new employee (less than three years in), it’s worth spending most of your time in the office if you want to move up. Working from home too often can stunt your career growth. The reality is, people don’t advocate for colleagues they barely know. And when people aren’t rooting for you, opportunities pass you by.
Cultural Differences at Happy Hour Too
You might’ve thought the cultural clashes ended with the book incident, but there was more!
One weekday afternoon, the team organized a happy hour with drinks and food around 4 p.m., and I decided to join. I love a good get-together over drinks. It’s one of the things I miss most about working full-time—along with year-end holiday parties.
I arrived promptly at 4, and most of the crew filtered in by 4:15. The senior employee who had used my book as a monitor stand showed up around 4:30. I greeted him, and we all started chatting over beers. There was no awkwardness.
We ordered some chicken wings, and after eating three, I tucked the bones under the bowl on the table. In my culture, this is how we avoid contaminating uneaten food, especially when there’s no empty plate and everyone’s tightly packed in. I didn’t want to put chewed bones in the same bowl as fresh wings.
To my surprise, the same senior employee gave me a look of disgust and said, “What are you doing? Put those bones on the plate!”
I was caught off guard. But I calmly explained why I did it. Did he really want to risk touching someone’s half-eaten wing while grabbing a new one?
He apologized, we laughed, and kept enjoying our beers. Then he added, “Phew, I’m glad this happened in a small setting.”
The funny thing is, the CEO—who’s also Asian—had placed her chicken bones directly on the table too, but with a little more sophistication with a napkin.
It Takes Effort to Assimilate in the Workplace
After the second incident, it became clear I didn’t have a supportive colleague. We never argued, but we were like oil and water. Had I been a full-time employee, I might have eventually run into the “bamboo ceiling.”
The experience made me reflect on what many minorities or people from different backgrounds must do to fit into a new work environment. In small companies especially, being culturally aware and adapting to the dominant workplace norms can feel like a necessity, not an option. Before joining any team, it’s worth getting a sense of your potential colleagues, not just their résumés, but who they really are.
If you’re part of the majority, there’s a kind of ease you get to enjoy. You don’t need to change how you speak, act, or think to fit in. You can just be yourself—because who you are likely mirrors the rest of the team. That similarity creates natural rapport, which can translate into support and career advancement.
But when someone comes from a different background, it takes extra effort to understand them—and frankly, most people don’t bother. We assume others will adapt to us, not the other way around. That assumption can make those from different cultures feel subtly unwelcome or misunderstood, even if no one means harm.
After four months consulting for this fintech startup, I decided I’d had enough and gave my notice. It was an eye-opening experience that gave me a newfound appreciation for how hard early-stage startup employees work. It was also a reminder of how exhausting it can be to stay in an environment that doesn’t fit.
Unbeknownst to me, the senior employee I didn’t get along with left just three months after I did. Had I known he was planning to leave, I might have stuck around!
If the Disrespect Is Unintentional, Try Not to Take It Personally
I’m sharing these examples not to assign blame, but to raise awareness. What you perceive as strange about Ray from Tunisia or Stephanie from Japan might simply be cultural. Instead of quietly judging, try asking questions and getting to know the person. You’ll likely discover there’s a reason behind the behavior, and often a perfectly logical or respectful one.
If you feel out of place due to cultural differences, it’s still important to make the effort to assimilate. If your boss loves pickleball, try playing. You might hate tacos, but if your team hits the taqueria every Tuesday, you’d better learn to stomach a few. It’s not always fair, but if you want to succeed in that environment, you have to meet people where they are.
At the same time, don’t be afraid to share aspects of your culture too. If a moment like the chicken wing incident happens, take it as an opportunity to explain—not defensively, but proudly. Most people aren’t intentionally disrespectful; they simply haven’t been exposed to anything outside their bubble.
Cultural misunderstandings are inevitable. But with a little empathy and effort from both sides, they don’t have to be career-limiting.
What are some cultural differences you’ve encountered in the workplace that may have held you back? Do you put your eaten chicken wings back in the bowl with the fresh wings, or do you place them on the table to avoid contamination if there are no empty plates? Would you feel disrespected if a colleague used the book you wrote as a monitor stand?
Negotiate a Severance From a Job You Dislike
Working at a job where you don’t feel comfortable being yourself is draining. If you’re going to spend so much of your life working, you owe it to yourself to find the right fit. No amount of money or prestige is worth the daily stress of not feeling like you belong.
That’s why I recommend learning how to negotiate a severance package by reading my bestselling ebook, How To Engineer Your Layoff. It will show you how to create a win-win situation with your employer and walk away with a valuable financial cushion. Both my wife and I negotiated six-figure severance packages—mine in 2012 and hers in 2015—and we’ve never returned to full-time employment since.
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